Posts Tagged ‘Zombie apocalypse’

I need to learn how to fish.  Because if you teach a man to fish he can fish in the canals. I know fishing in the canals sounds disgusting, but fish make for good and cheap fertilizer, especially for corn.

Here and here is the info I have found about fishing in the canals.

Short version, you can fish pretty much all the canals except the CAP.

Cut and pasted…..

Can I fish in the canals?

Yes, unless posted “no trespassing.” Anglers must have a valid fishing license in possession for state waters (not an urban fishing license) as per ARS 17-331. Learn more about fishing regulations in Arizona by visiting the Arizona Game and Fish Department’s Web site at azgfd.gov/fish.

Below:  Not a Phoenix Canal.

Canal Milan Italy

In a magical time called the 90’s things were good.  Our worry’s were about the President’s sexual indiscretions and not about collapsing housing markets or mountains of national debt. The wars we fought in were far away and small.  Few came back with scars for life.  The wars were in isolated places like Rwanda or the Balkans, places where the threat of hate spreading across borders was not a major concern.  Times were good.

The darkest thing we had on the horizon was a threat called Y2K.  People were terrified of the prospect that computers dependent on the numbers “0” and “1”  would not be able to handle the math of a changing century.  We imagined planes falling out of the sky, entire credit card networks committing hari kari, electonic security systems whispering off to silence, a silent grid.

Wal-Mart refused to let people return gasoline powered generations.  We feared desperate times made desperate people.

Nothing happened.  Everything was fine.  It was not for another 10 years or so that we faced true crisis.  We grew weak and bloated.  In fact, most of us still are.

I spent the last three days at the Phoenix Comic-Con for both fun and research. I was surprised there were so few direct references to the Apocalypse. None of the panel discussions centered around the end times, one was about dystopian futures, and while that is related one does not need an armageddon to imagine a future gone horribly wrong. I did see Max Brooks speak, and that was awesome. I found it humourous that he does not like Zombie walks. Zombies scare him.

Pity Bill Dee Williams. The first question from the audience he got was “Do people ever give you grieve for the actions of Lando Calrissian, not realizing that you are not actually Lando?” Billy Dee told two stories on that vein, one involving his daughters classmates pointing at him in the schoolyard.

The very next question came from a 12-year-old, the child stretching to reach the microphone asked, “Why did you betray Hans Solo?”

I think I learned a little bit about bravery from watching than man speak.

I have come to the sad conculsion that I am not in any kind of physical shape for the apocalypse. I just read the pre-notes for the Survivial School I am taking this weekend. The first piece of advice he gives is to arrive to the class in shape. Apparently wandering around the desert all day looking for edible plants can wear a man out.  The improtance of being in physical shape is one of the best things one can do to get ready has popped up multiple times in prepper books and forums.

I believe I am in the worst shape of my life. The 6 mile hike I did a couple of weekends ago  zapped me for two days.
Unfortunately, it is difficult for me to find the build the habit of exercising on a regular bais. Lately I have been thinking that maybe a goal would help and then the warrior dash crossed my radar. I missed the one held last weekend, but perhaps I should set the goal to run the “3.4 Hellish Miles” next year. Assuming society still exists come April 2012.

In the meantime, I have been doing more of the the only type of execise I really enjoy, which is hiking.  This week I managed to go for three steep but quick hikes.

Next weekend I am taking a survival class for four days, we are going to walk a lot. I hope I am ready.

Below: Saw this tree blooming in the desert. Anybody got any idea what it is? It is pink flowers, and short stubby leaves. More photos at the flickr page, follow the link from the photo.

mayrandom 083

I have completed the Phoenix branch of CERT (Community Emergency Response team) application form and mailed it in.    If I don’t hear back from them then I am going to contact the Tempe branch.

CERT is all about preparing people in their community to be ready when disaster strikes.   To volunteer with them you have to take a class.  I would imagine a whole ton of the stuff in the class would be useful when the SHF.

Below is a paraphrase how CERT’s website describes the normal training.

The CERT training for community groups is usually delivered in 2 1/2 hour sessions, one evening a week over a 7 week period. The training consists of the following:

  • Session I, DISASTER PREPAREDNESS:  hazards one can enounter and how familys should react before, during and after.
  • Session II, DISASTER FIRE SUPPRESSION:  Fire chemistry, hazardous materials, fire hazards, and fire suppression strategies.
  • Session III, DISASTER MEDICAL OPERATIONS PART I: Diagnosing and treating airway obstruction, bleeding, and shock by using simple triage and rapid treatment techniques.
  • Session IV, DISASTER MEDICAL OPERATIONS, PART II: Evaluating patients by doing a head to toe assessment, establishing a medical treatment area, performing basic first aid, and practicing in a safe and sanitary manner.
  • Session V, LIGHT SEARCH AND RESCUE OPERATIONS: Planning a rescue, including size-up, search techniques, rescue techniques, and most important, rescuer safety.
  • Session VI, DISASTER PSYCHOLOGY AND TEAM ORGANIZATION: Signs and symptoms that might be experienced by the disaster victim and worker.
  • Session VII, COURSE REVIEW AND DISASTER SIMULATION

So that seems quite useful, no?

WHile I wait to hear back from them I am going to check out the videos they have uploaded to their website.

I do find it ironic that my inital communication with the Emergency First Response to Disaster people has to be sent by snail mail.

#1 Brock Samson–  No one, and I mean no one, not Chuck Norris, not Bruce Lee, not John McClane, not even Rambo, can deliver a beat down quite like Brock Samson, bad-ass bodyguard of the Venture brothers.

#2 MacGyver Kind an obvious one, right?  The man could fix a solar panel system, engineer a communication device, and defeat cancer using only duck-tape and other random stuff in the compound.

#3 Andrew Weil We are going to need a doctor who doesn’t rely on modern medicine.  But lordy, this guy is cheesy.  Anybody got a better suggestion?

#4 The Existential Detectives from I Heart Hucklebees The survivors of the Apocalypse are going to have some tough questions about God, the meaning of life, Humanity and why we should even keep going.  Best to have some fast acting philosophers/psychologists to get us through the hard times.

#5 Les Stroud from SurvivorMan –  Brock is our bad-ass.  Mac-Guyer is good for surving in the broken down suburbs but we need help for when we have to flee into the wilderness.  Originally a Canadian who cut his chops in the great cold north, Les Stroud has traveled the world and learned all kinds of tricks.  So no matter how the weather changes after everything changes he will be ready.

#6 Myth busters crew MacGuyer’s back up team.  I figure the more engineers the better.  They also excel in coming up with ingenious ways to figure stuff out.

#7 Thomas Jefferson (Organic Gardening)  I went way back in history, but the man knew how to raise an organic farm off the grid, because you know, he didn’t have a grid.

#8 Kaylee the mechanic from Firefly to keep whatever motors we manage to get up and running to keep running.  She knows how to nurture a tired-old machine to keep working.

#9 The A-Team Mostly for the skills of Hannibal Smith, the man knows how to put a plan together.  We are going to need someone who can lead our tribe through uncertain times.  Who better than the man that could get Murdock and Mr. T to make peace to unite us?

#10 Bob Villa for construction.  The man knows how to fix old houses.  And old houses are most likely to remain standing after the first couple waves of disaster.

#11 Joan Holloway from Mad Men –  She is good at keeping an organized office.  We are all going to have to do lot’s of daily chores.  Who better to manage the tribe’s day-to-day needs of surviving?

#12 Groundskeeper Willie to help out old Thomas Jefferson in the garden.

# 13 Sanjay Gupta the CNN Doctor, is not only a doctor but has seen medicine or the lack of it all over the globe, so he will have an idea of how to get ready before the entire modern-medicine system collapses.

I wonder if the 2011 Survival conference is worth going to.

Marks against it

#1 It is in Dallas.

#2 It will be people pitching me a bunch of stuff to buy.  Much of it will seem necessary at the time.  Even putting aside the obvious thoughts on how easy it is to sell fear, it is money I don’t really have to spend.

#3 While the conference and hotel is cheap, the airfare makes it debatable.

Marks for it

#1 I would learn a ton.

#2 It is fun to window shop.

#3 Dallas can’t be all bad.  Sure it might have a tangled history with guns, but so does Tucson, and I can tell you that Tucson is a wonderful town.