Archive for the ‘tribe’ Category

#1 Brock Samson–  No one, and I mean no one, not Chuck Norris, not Bruce Lee, not John McClane, not even Rambo, can deliver a beat down quite like Brock Samson, bad-ass bodyguard of the Venture brothers.

#2 MacGyver Kind an obvious one, right?  The man could fix a solar panel system, engineer a communication device, and defeat cancer using only duck-tape and other random stuff in the compound.

#3 Andrew Weil We are going to need a doctor who doesn’t rely on modern medicine.  But lordy, this guy is cheesy.  Anybody got a better suggestion?

#4 The Existential Detectives from I Heart Hucklebees The survivors of the Apocalypse are going to have some tough questions about God, the meaning of life, Humanity and why we should even keep going.  Best to have some fast acting philosophers/psychologists to get us through the hard times.

#5 Les Stroud from SurvivorMan –  Brock is our bad-ass.  Mac-Guyer is good for surving in the broken down suburbs but we need help for when we have to flee into the wilderness.  Originally a Canadian who cut his chops in the great cold north, Les Stroud has traveled the world and learned all kinds of tricks.  So no matter how the weather changes after everything changes he will be ready.

#6 Myth busters crew MacGuyer’s back up team.  I figure the more engineers the better.  They also excel in coming up with ingenious ways to figure stuff out.

#7 Thomas Jefferson (Organic Gardening)  I went way back in history, but the man knew how to raise an organic farm off the grid, because you know, he didn’t have a grid.

#8 Kaylee the mechanic from Firefly to keep whatever motors we manage to get up and running to keep running.  She knows how to nurture a tired-old machine to keep working.

#9 The A-Team Mostly for the skills of Hannibal Smith, the man knows how to put a plan together.  We are going to need someone who can lead our tribe through uncertain times.  Who better than the man that could get Murdock and Mr. T to make peace to unite us?

#10 Bob Villa for construction.  The man knows how to fix old houses.  And old houses are most likely to remain standing after the first couple waves of disaster.

#11 Joan Holloway from Mad Men –  She is good at keeping an organized office.  We are all going to have to do lot’s of daily chores.  Who better to manage the tribe’s day-to-day needs of surviving?

#12 Groundskeeper Willie to help out old Thomas Jefferson in the garden.

# 13 Sanjay Gupta the CNN Doctor, is not only a doctor but has seen medicine or the lack of it all over the globe, so he will have an idea of how to get ready before the entire modern-medicine system collapses.

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The Screaming Lady, one of the Firehouse icons

We will all live in communes once society shits itself out. It is only natural. No person can live alone when resources are thin. There is simply too much to do if one wants to learn and do all the chores. You will need help for society to progress.

What does it take to live in a commune? The closest thing I have experienced is the FireHouse Sunday night House meetings. At the Firehouse 7 to 8 artists live in an old office space.  They have a stage and a coffee cart out back and a gallery up front.  There is always something happening at the Firehouse.   Every Sunday night the residents get together to discuss house issues and share a meal.   I have said for years that the best show in downtown Phoenix is the Sunday night house meetings. The reason I say this is because the best show anywhere should give you something to think about.

I used to attend them even though I was not a resident. Only residents, and people who have a legitimate reason to be there should/are allowed to attend. I took friends, because I thought they could learn something. But one of the residents finally told me, “Kevin, I don’t mind if you come but quit bringing guests, we are not doing this for people’s entertainment.” He was right.

The FireHouse told me all I know about living in a commune, but I don’t know much because I have only been an observer and not a resident.   That said, here is what I learned from watching the FireHouse and being a initiated Thought Criminal:

  • Rule 1a: Some people do not like to have their pain displayed on stage.
  • Rule 1b: Someone needs to do the dishes.
  • Rule 2: It is good to have a large common calendar present.
  • Rule 3: When people are talking it out, it is necessary to have patience and listen. This is much harder than one might think it to be.
  • Rule 4: When speaking try to be precise. Try not to bring up sidebars to illustrate a point.
  • Rule 5:  If one does not have a plan for the Post-Apocalypse, a decent plan would be to find Michael & Joanna 23 and stick with them.  Not only do they know how to raise a child, tend a garden, run a light show, and repair an old building; they also know how to get a large group of people to work together and get something done with marginal resources.   That is what will separate one tribe over another after the Apocalypse.

Below: Video Tour of the Firehouse during a 3rd Friday Firestage show.

Here is my list of events one should attend in order to prepare for the apocalypse.

Burning Man – techno-nerds, socialmediaeanglists, pop-culture survivalists, and dancers.  Kind of an obvious first choice.

The NRA Annual Convention If for no other reason, see what you might have to contend with later.

Some sort of organic gardening convention

 

Any other suggestions?

Note: This posting was originally written as a submission for Pool Boy Magazine,  the independent adult lifestyle magazine for badass women, and clearly a NSFW site.

Hollywood loves to play with how our sexual morals will change after humanity falls. In reality, some women living in the end times will not want to get pregnant from just any man possible.  Not everyone will agree that it “will be our duty to procreate and replace the human species.”  People will most likely continue to have sex for fun. It is, after all, the world’s oldest recreation.

So let’s assume your local pharmacy has already been raided by looters, what is a woman to do?  Without a doubt the best place to start is the Hesperian Foundation’s book Where there is no Doctor.  The Hesperian Society is committed to spreading health care to developing countries.  Their book is designed to give medical advice to a community who has limited resources, which is just what like the Apocalypse will be like.

Included in Chapter 20 is a handy reference guide outlining the various birth control methods currently available, and the varying degree of success of each to protect against pregnancy as well as STD’s.

I realize a woman may not want to rely on her ability to count on a regular basis, but Chapter 20, page 291 describes in great detail how the counting method works.  Me, personally, I would trust the Hesperian Foundation’s version over the Catholic Church’s version.  I would also recommend Wikipedia’s entry on the Calendar method as a good place to start one’s research, but unfortunately the internet will not work when the grid fails.

Now obviously the calendar method is not a lady’s first choice as an absolute guarantee against pregnancy.  So what else have we got after the modern-day pharmaceutical empire has fallen into the dust bin of history?

Let’s assume that modern medicine had ways to prevent pregnancy, and let’s assume that we no longer have modern medicine.  Let’s also assume that much of modern medicine borrowed from things people knew about plants.

The only  list I have found that describes which plants are good to replace birth control, is halfway down the comments in a long online conversation about birth control without the pill.  As we all know anything anyone says on the internet has to be right, right?

Now I, nor Wikipedia are advocating for abortions, or that people start to take these chemicals arbitrarily.  However, it stands to reason that any plant that could cause an abortion could also prevent a pregnancy.  The dosage might be a little different.  Now I am no doctor, and I have never played one on TV, but Wikipedia has a list of plants and chemicals that can induce abortions.

Consulting a local medicine/plant expert  would probably be best. I know who I would recommend in Arizona, but I can’t speak for the rest of the county.  Note, a class would be best to do before society crumbles and we have to live by thunderdome rules.

Searching the internet for birth control methods came up with a couple of  less-than-practical options.  The first is condom’s made of animal intestines, used since the time of the Egyptians.  However I am guessing putting on a goat’s small intestine might spoil the mood.

Also heavily discussed is the option to continue brest feeding.  In the Eighteenth Century is was common for women to breast feed all the way until toddlerhood in order to space out the births.   According to breastfeeding basics the mother has to be “exclusively breastfeeding” meaning the poor woman is constantly going to have the kid attached.  If the goal is to not get pregnant, and one has to have a child for this method to work, then we are left with a Catch-22

So without the pill and modern medicine a woman is not left with a lot of great options,  the sexual revolution did come after the pill after all, no?  So I hate to get all religious right on you, but perhaps the woman’s best choice to avoid pregnancy after the Apocalypse is absence or if that not is possible,  have a mutated animal as a boyfriend.

I joined the American Prepper Network’s online forum.  A “prepper” is a person who spends time and money on “prepping” for the end of the world as we know it (commonly referred to in these communities as TEOTWAWKI.)   On a side note, a lot of acronyms  float around this community, orginally I figured this might be the heavy ex-military influence on this community, but now I think it is because they write a lot of stuff down and acronyms are easier.

I used the image below as my icon.

I like how this image sums up the loneliness someone will be after society crumbles.  It comes from the comic strip Garfield minus Garfield, a site “dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.”

From what I have seen so far, the community of people preparing for civilization’s curtains tend to be a conservative bunch. You know, lots of people with family values (see every Post-APO movie ever to see the importance of keeping hope alive), ex-military types, apostles, doomsayers and pro-gun lobbyists.

Not they are a bad bunch, in fact if the end of the world happens there is no one else I would better like to hang out with.  See Rule 1: Get along with your neighbors.

I suspect I might swing a little more left than most in the group of preppers.   They speak often of looking for “like-minded” people.  My guess is they have grown tired of people thinking they are “tinfoil hat wearing fanatics.”    If hanging out with the weirdos of the Phoenix arts community has taught me one thing, it is that no one, especially weirdos, likes to have someone laugh at them for being a weirdo.  And the more one thinks differently than mainstream society the more one wants to find people who think like themselves.

They tend to look for “like-minded people,” a term you hear a lot among them.  And who is to blame them? Aren’t we all in our own crazy way?

One the last places people would think to raid is their local library.  But there is a whole shit load of knowledge there.  Probably best if you read the books first, however your tribe will have people who have an immediate desire to learn but no repository of knowledge to pull from.  Library raiding is more beneficial for the mid and long-term survival rather than the short- term.  But, as I said, this will be one of the last places people think to raid.

The problem is the library’s card catalog system will be down.  So here is the Dewey Decimal System of places on the bookshelves to hit first.  Print this list for your bookmaker. The subjects you probably learned in high school will the least useful and there is no need to scanvager them first.  Once the inital shock has jelled for a while you will probably be able to roam the literature section.

180 Ancient, medieval, Oriental philosophy
500 Natural sciences & mathematics
508 Natural history
550 Earth sciences
581 Botany
582 Plants noted for specific vegetative characteristics and flowers
600 Technology (Applied sciences)
610 Medical sciences; Medicine
611 Human anatomy, cytology, histology
612 Human physiology
613 Promotion of health

613.69 Survival Guides

614 Incidence & prevention of disease
615 Pharmacology and therapeutics
616 Diseases
617 Surgery & related medical specialties
619 Experimental medicine
640 Home economics & family living
645 Household furnishings
646 Sewing, clothing, personal living
647 Management of public households
649 Child rearing & home care of sick

I might edit this list as I come across new numbers when I check out books, which is like raiding a place with the safety wheels still on.

Rule 1 should be get along with your neighbors.  At least that is rule one if you live in my neighborhood.  On one side they grow chickens, have a huge garden, a fleet of woman to tend it and cook, another fleet of men who know construction and a solar panel.  On the other side of me is a grandmother who has Pack-Racked for many years, a house filled with children (Humanity will need children to keep hope alive) and men who know how to fix cars.

They know me, I know them.  If I am going to have to pick a tribe to belong to anyway it might as well be them.  Of course, I would have to prove I am worthy.  If I know how to gather water and electricity, that would help.  It would help more if I spoke Spanish.  I always got to get the kids to translate (again good to have children around because they learn quickly.)

Maybe I should add “Learn Spanish” to my list of tasks for the apocalypse.

dancinghorsegridflagstaff 028

Here is a shot of a friend of my neighbor with a dancing horse in front of my house.