birth control after the Apocalypse

Posted: February 18, 2011 in books, psychological needs, research, security, thoughts, tribe
Tags: , , , ,

Note: This posting was originally written as a submission for Pool Boy Magazine,  the independent adult lifestyle magazine for badass women, and clearly a NSFW site.

Hollywood loves to play with how our sexual morals will change after humanity falls. In reality, some women living in the end times will not want to get pregnant from just any man possible.  Not everyone will agree that it “will be our duty to procreate and replace the human species.”  People will most likely continue to have sex for fun. It is, after all, the world’s oldest recreation.

So let’s assume your local pharmacy has already been raided by looters, what is a woman to do?  Without a doubt the best place to start is the Hesperian Foundation’s book Where there is no Doctor.  The Hesperian Society is committed to spreading health care to developing countries.  Their book is designed to give medical advice to a community who has limited resources, which is just what like the Apocalypse will be like.

Included in Chapter 20 is a handy reference guide outlining the various birth control methods currently available, and the varying degree of success of each to protect against pregnancy as well as STD’s.

I realize a woman may not want to rely on her ability to count on a regular basis, but Chapter 20, page 291 describes in great detail how the counting method works.  Me, personally, I would trust the Hesperian Foundation’s version over the Catholic Church’s version.  I would also recommend Wikipedia’s entry on the Calendar method as a good place to start one’s research, but unfortunately the internet will not work when the grid fails.

Now obviously the calendar method is not a lady’s first choice as an absolute guarantee against pregnancy.  So what else have we got after the modern-day pharmaceutical empire has fallen into the dust bin of history?

Let’s assume that modern medicine had ways to prevent pregnancy, and let’s assume that we no longer have modern medicine.  Let’s also assume that much of modern medicine borrowed from things people knew about plants.

The only  list I have found that describes which plants are good to replace birth control, is halfway down the comments in a long online conversation about birth control without the pill.  As we all know anything anyone says on the internet has to be right, right?

Now I, nor Wikipedia are advocating for abortions, or that people start to take these chemicals arbitrarily.  However, it stands to reason that any plant that could cause an abortion could also prevent a pregnancy.  The dosage might be a little different.  Now I am no doctor, and I have never played one on TV, but Wikipedia has a list of plants and chemicals that can induce abortions.

Consulting a local medicine/plant expert  would probably be best. I know who I would recommend in Arizona, but I can’t speak for the rest of the county.  Note, a class would be best to do before society crumbles and we have to live by thunderdome rules.

Searching the internet for birth control methods came up with a couple of  less-than-practical options.  The first is condom’s made of animal intestines, used since the time of the Egyptians.  However I am guessing putting on a goat’s small intestine might spoil the mood.

Also heavily discussed is the option to continue brest feeding.  In the Eighteenth Century is was common for women to breast feed all the way until toddlerhood in order to space out the births.   According to breastfeeding basics the mother has to be “exclusively breastfeeding” meaning the poor woman is constantly going to have the kid attached.  If the goal is to not get pregnant, and one has to have a child for this method to work, then we are left with a Catch-22

So without the pill and modern medicine a woman is not left with a lot of great options,  the sexual revolution did come after the pill after all, no?  So I hate to get all religious right on you, but perhaps the woman’s best choice to avoid pregnancy after the Apocalypse is absence or if that not is possible,  have a mutated animal as a boyfriend.

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Comments
  1. Update: I have been informed by the wonderful Bab O’Matic that crocodile dung was used in 1850 B.C. as a contraceptive.

    http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=14f_1192808167

  2. Kara says:

    I like that the Google ad on this post is “Camelback Women’s Health”. Hey, man, I thought you were doing a good job– apparently, Google wants to refer elsewhere.

    • thanks, I don’t think I can take the ads off without paying for an upgrade on the account, however people should get their internet searching in now, because, well you know, no internet when the grid falls!

  3. Meghan says:

    Also- some courtesans used to use bits of sponge wrapped in silk with a string attached (if you’re lucky enough to find silk, I suppose, but that was more for comfort). Well shaped turtle shells were our ancient diaphragms. And highly concentrated amounts of pomegranate seeds (read: several pomegranate’s worth ground into a pulp) eaten after love making would prevent pregnancy. Although that may be more of an early abortion than actual prevention of fertilization. 🙂

  4. Wreck-Age says:

    I read somewhere that some tribal cultures had community wet nurses and oftentimes this was a position of honor. But that A) requires a community around you, which might not be an option and B) is perpetually breastfeeding better than perpetually pregnant?

    Thanks for the idea on a franchise of goat intestine condoms.

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